Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
