just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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