so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
