How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it because I queefed?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
