Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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