Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
