Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
