This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
worst night to have a conscience
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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