I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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