I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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