Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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