giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
