dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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