Who did Billy Mays play for?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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