Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
