I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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