the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
this hospital has no fireball
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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