Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
