what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
