I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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