my vag is so smooth its legendary
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
