I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
