i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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