that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
