But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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