I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
