Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
