Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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