I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
