For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
