my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
