I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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