hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
