Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
