The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
