I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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