I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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