i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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