its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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