and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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