she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
