He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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