woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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