My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
