As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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