Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer

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(253): View more from Washington

i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?

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(813): View more from Florida

They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.

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(614): View more from Ohio

The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

A simple 'no' would have sufficed

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym

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(859): View more from Kentucky

did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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(248): View more from Michigan

Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you

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(503): View more from Oregon

Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.

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