I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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