we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
