Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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