break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize