I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize