just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
