12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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