Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
