I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
