Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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