If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
