I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
