I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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