My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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