Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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