i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
whose parrot is this?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
